60 degrees:
Californians put their sweaters
on.
50 degrees:
Miami residents turn on the heat.
45 degrees:
Vermont residents go to outdoor
concert.
40 degrees:
You can see your breath. 35 degrees:
Italian cars don't start.
32 degrees:
Water freezes.
30 degrees:
You plan your vacation in
Australia.
25 degrees:
Ohio water freezes. 20 degrees:
Politicians begin to talk about the
homeless. 15 degrees:
French cars don't start. 10 degrees:
You need jumper cables to get the car
going.
5 degrees:
American cars don't start.
0 degrees:
Alaskans put on T-shirts.
-10 degrees:
German cars don't start. -15 degrees:
You can cut your breath and use it to
build an igloo. -20 degrees:
Cat insists on sleeping in pajamas with
you. -25 degrees:
Too cold to think. -30 degrees:
You plan a two week hot bath. -40 degrees:
Californians disappear. -50 degrees:
Congressional hot air freezes. -80 degrees:
Polar bears move South. -90 degrees:
Lawyers put their hands in their own
pockets.
-100 degrees:
Hell freezes over.
Californians shiver uncontrollably.
Minnesotans go swimming.
Californians weep pitiably.
Minnesotans eat ice cream.
Canadians go swimming.
New York City water freezes.
Miami residents plan vacation farther south.
Cat insists on sleeping in your bed with you.
Eyes freeze shut when you step outside.
Arkansans stick tongue on metal objects.
Miami residents cease to exist.
Politicians actually do something about the homeless.
Minnesotans shovel snow off roof.
Japanese cars don't start.
You need jumper cables to get the driver going.
Swedish cars don't start.
Minnesotans button top button.
Canadians put on sweater.
Your car helps you plan your trip South.
Alaskans close the bathroom window.
Green Bay Packer fans order hot cocoa at the game.
Where do you want to go today?
Straight to hell, apparently.
The other day I saw another Microsoft commercial on TV: sublime choral music drifts through the background as the unseen user surfs through the Internet and various Microsoft content using Internet Explorer. The commercial closes with the Microsoft slogan "Where do you want to go today?" and a final, furious blast of music. It's a very cool effect. But if you dig a little deeper...
As it turns out, the background music is the Dies Irae of Mozart's Requiem Mass. And the words of the final blast of music which accompanies "Where do you want to go today?" are actually "confutatis maledictis, flammis acribus addictis..." In English: "When the damned are confounded, and consigned to sharp flames..."; which describes exactly where I want to go today.